Shit My Dad Says Volume 1

The following events took place at 3:30 p.m. on Thursday February 12, 2011.

Dad: A hundred bucks, ha ha, ha ha. Oh ho. We got something from the DMBA. You have been approved for 200 dollars more on your retirement. Hey, here it is Denille. You have been approved for two hundred dollars, wait a minute it’s a bill.

Mom: It’s not a bill; it’s probably a claim for your masks you never wear.

Dad: I know, I’m gonna sell them on eBay. I can buy them for 17 bucks and sell them for 200.

Mom: After you’ve worn them and used them?

Dad: No, I haven’t opened them. I’m gonna sell em.

Mom: Oh that’s real honest.

Dad: Honest? Well they're cheating us 200 bucks a month, it’s like even Steven.

Mom: How are they cheating you 200 bucks a month? You’re the one who decided to retire when you retired, dumb man.

Dad: They promised us the same insurance and they jipped us every week.

Mom: Well why don’t you pursue it more?

Dad: I called them and gave them all hell and heck and shit, and they said: “oh we’re really sorry” (in a funny voice)

Mom: If you hadn’t taken your retirement we would’ve been fine.

Dad: I know, I wanna hear this discussion again

Mom: Well, don’t blame...

Dad: Hey look, there’s a tree growing out of the neighbors house. Look, right on top.

Mom: Don’t blame it on something that it’s not what it is.

Dad: Sorry. I’m so sorry, Charlie. What month is this?

Mom: We better start figuring out what were going to do for insurance come January.

Dad: *inaudible mumbling* I know, were gonna be on Alex’s plan at Sherwin Williams